The Mourning after the Night Before

Nothing we can buy on this earth can top the ecstasy of the Seder night - or, chutz leArutz, chas veSholem - the first Seder night - done right. I remember my first Seder ever - and that moment when the jaws of a four and five year old simultaneously dropped, as the Zeide, their Rav Saba, began to chant the Seder. Their eyes were as big as saucers. For me that moment made time stand still, and I guess it always will. Not even five cups could get me that high, and I know that for a fact. I remember that moment every year, and I experience some more great moments in addition. If it were not for that Lechem oni, I can tell you that my soul would soar up to Shomayim.

Just as that Matzah reminds us to deflate our pride, so HaShem reminds us after crossing the Yam Suf to put a damper on our joy - not to feel Schadenfreude at the deaths of our pursuers even. This is not to be the Jewish way, for they are also His creatures. - Hamas did not read this part of the Torah, it seems.

Even Rosh Chodesh Nisan includes a reminder. On every other Rosh Chodesh it is assur for a Chasan and Kala to fast, and here davka on this very special Rosh Chodesh it is permitted. Why ? On Rosh Chodesh Nisan Aharon's sons, Nadav and Avihu , because of their strange fire, were consumed by fire.

However, a Chasan and Kala simply have the choice. They do not have to fast, if they do not wish to do so. It is a question of delicacy - something like the Inyan of the Shecheyanu.during the Omer. Ashkenazim, who have in mind the atrocities committed in Europe during the Omer counting, may choose not to say it, but it is permitted, for example, to buy something like a piece of clothing and then wear it and say the Shechyanu on Shabbos.

Depending upon which of the two customs we follow for beginning the semi-mourning - the beginning of the Omer count or first of Iyar - if we start on the first of the Omer count, we are at first just reminded really, for we are either in Chol Moed Pesach or - chutz leAretz - on the second night of Pesach. Even on Chol Moed, the semi-festive character of Chol Moed breaks the mourning to us gently, for, as Rabbi Eliezer Melamed points out:

"During the intermediate days of Passover, the custom is to permit dancing and the performance of musical instruments; we are commanded to be happy during these days (Mishnah Berurah 529:16; see also Piskei Teshuvot 493:6). Marriages, though, are not performed during this period because of the principle that we "avoid mixing joy with joy" (Shulchan Arukh, Orach Chaim 546:1). In addition, the sages prohibited hair-cuts during the intermediate days of Passover and Sukkot, in order to cause people to cut their hair before the holiday."

Still, I do not believe that the serious element of the Omer count has completely escaped anyone's attention, when on the second evening the Rav or the Baal Tefillah interjects with the reminder that we will now begin to count. It is almost like the first drops on rain on a garden party. In many places people have a brief Shiur between Mincha and Maariv in which they even speak about the Omer and almost inevitably then about its semi-mourning quality and why. While we must not cry, especially if it is chutz leAretz and the second day of Pesach, still our wine-set is sobered by the thought, and we are torn in two directions - our joy at the anticipation of Shavuos as commemorating Matan Torah and our mourning at the thought of the sons of Rabbi Akiva and the other tragedies our people have experienced since then at Omer time.

If we are really sensitive, it will also sober us to realize that this mourning was caused by our insensitivity to each other, and that bad behaviour toward our fellow humans will mar or even prevent our marriage to HaShem.

The Omer and Honey
Peaks and Valleys - The Good Omer and the Bad Omer
Omer Personalities - R' Akiva and R' Shimon Bar Yochai
From Beast to Man
From Matzos to Cheesecake
Lag B'Omer - Breaking up the Count
Mitzvah lesaper et haMispar hamesaper
Not Fowl, but Foul
One Long Party: Pesach to Shavuot
Oops, I forgot to Count the Omer
Sheva Shabbatot temimot tiyenah
The Best Unbroken Chain
The Mourning after the Night Before
The Students of Rabbi Akiva
What Does Lev Tov Have to do with Sfira?
The Counting of The Omer
Lag B'Omer - The 33rd Day